If only all of the ”stories” we told ourselves in our lives began like that, then maybe we would know they were just stories and that they were subject to new perspectives and change. More often than any of us wants to admit, we tell ourselves stories. Those stories cause us to think and feel - and ultimately we respond in ways that are congruent with our behavior habits, or as I say – we respond according to our Emotional DNA. All of the stories we have been told by others and by ourselves forms our emotional being and are the building blocks of how we will respond to our experiences of life. By learning how to be present with ourselves, and to not “live” in our stories we can live authentically and not in the drama’s we create.
Something happens to us and we respond. The next thing you know – we are telling ourselves more stories about why our response/behavior is justified or right. Stories! This is alright as long as the stories we tell ourselves are true, or at the very least not a cause of needless suffering.
You choose what you believe, but you may not always “know” what you believe. In other words, you may not have any real experience of what you believe. Most often what we believe is just a series of ideas or familiar feelings or ideas. These ideas make sense to you with no real knowledge or experience that were things “told” to us by others, or in many cases, by ourselves. This does not mean that what you believe cannot be right it just means that you don’t “know” it from experience.
It starts by not “believing” the stories and not “living” in them. In other words, become aware of the stories and look for a different perspective, almost as if the story was being told from a different character! When you do this, you will realize that there are almost always other perspectives you can take and not create unnecessary suffering or anxiety. Doing this will certainly change your story and even your responses to life experiences.
Check back for more on this topic in the future – Once Upon A Time…
2 comments
Jenny Vandervort
November 7, 2009 at 6:25 pm (UTC -7) Link to this comment
So by not “believing” the story are you changing the truth of it or just how you are responding to it? If I have experienced a loss and I know it to be painful should I tell myself it wasn’t that bad of a loss so it isn’t as painful? Shouldn’t I feel the emotion and move on from that?, but not until I have felt it or I won’t know how to move on from it.
admin
November 8, 2009 at 11:20 pm (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Thanks for your comments and questions! I am answering in a Q & A style to help with clarity:
Q: So by not “believing” the story are you changing the truth of it or just how you are responding to it?
A: This is a great question! Changing what you believe will change your response. I assume when you say the “truth” you are referring to the “objective truth”, That is to say the facts. Truth, beyond fact becomes judgment and is only relative to the individual. Both are stories. Both can be true but only judgments can be false. More on this later in the next blog… DON’T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU THINK!
Q: If I have experienced a loss and I know it to be painful should I tell myself it wasn’t that bad of a loss so it isn’t as painful?
A: You could do that, in fact the degree of more or less is just a judgment, it is not a fact. If you minimize your focus on something, your awareness of it will shift.
Q: Shouldn’t I feel the emotion and move on from that? But not until I have felt it or I won’t know how to move on from it.
A: Yes, you should feel it, and once experienced and ACCEPTED (believed). This process of “re-defining” belief would take place later as a way to change your history or perhaps if not so dramatic, redefine your experience of something. Again, I will write more on this in later.
In summary, most of our beliefs will contain all sorts of unexamined assumptions and generalities that may not produce a desirable state. They can cause us to respond in ways that are not what we want.